


Undeserving

by Kaisbeast



Series: Tomorrow Never Dies [10]
Category: the GazettE
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-12-10 17:53:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11696820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaisbeast/pseuds/Kaisbeast
Summary: Fighting his own emotions, Ruki always felt... Undeserving.





	Undeserving

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> This small piece is for my adorable friend, Fuki. Thank you for not letting me give up!  
> Also, this ended up being quite personal to me, so I hope you all like it!

He was no anxious man, he truly wasn’t. He had never been one for insecurity either, really. If he thought about it, overall he could say that he was perhaps overconfident, in the end. For that reason he could not understand the way his heartbeat increased to a rhythm faster than Kai’s drums and louder than the sound of his own voice when he was in the presence of that other man.  
Perhaps the answer lay in the way his fingertips gently, but surely, switched from one accord to the other, turning into a melody that could never be played by no other in the same way; one that, when mixed with the sound of his voice, became pure heaven in his ears. Or maybe it was in the way he moved around, always making himself noticed simply by the way he walked, sometimes like a wild cat, sometimes like a lord, but always drawing everyone’s attention to the confident swing of his body, from head to toe. Or even his voice, a voice that always sounded both deep and sweet, in a perfect contradiction that was tailor-made just for him, showing the best of who he truly was, and always converging to a constant timid smile that fit him better than anyone else.  
However, during the honest hours of his days – or simply during his insomnia nights – the answer always came with ease, and it was, indeed, that easiness that hit him the most. The truth scared him like a child afraid of ghost stories, always disturbed yet always looking for more, and it made him think little of himself. He felt weak and ashamed, undeserving of his own feelings, as if he could maculate those pure body reactions with his twisted mind that always found a way to fuck everything up. But, in reality, all he really wanted was to feel free to... To simply feel.  
He had always been scared of feeling too much, needing too much, wanting too much. When it came to the other man, at least. It hurt him not to be able to open himself completely and every time he thought about it he felt himself even less deserving of every slight touch, every gentle smile and every shade of red that ever crossed the guitarist’s cheek when they were around each other. And yet he always found himself needing even more of all of that, for the sake of his own twisted mind and his most strong desires.  
In all honesty, he would never be able to make sense of what really feels like to be in love. He knew that very well, he knew it in his mind and he felt it with his soul. He truly wasn't capable of understanding his own feelings. However...  
“Do you want to go home together, Taka?”  
However, that’s all it takes for him to truly understand that love, true love, does not need a reason to be. It simply... Is.  
“With you? Always.”

 

 


End file.
